Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's not cheating when I paid for it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
