He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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