No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
