You just made me feel so damn special
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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