Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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