Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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