i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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