Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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