Jerry, you need to find god
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
