oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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