No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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