Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
