no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
