if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sext me about skeletons
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
