Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
