I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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