Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
