And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
