We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
