We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
