I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize