shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
