I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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