The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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