Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize