dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
