What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i love accidental penises.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
