Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
