I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
