Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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