i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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