Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
