Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can you bring me the toilet please
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
