Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
