Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
