Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
