The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
