just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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