His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
