do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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