I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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