I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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