I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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