You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
