I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
