I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
