ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Welp...herpes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
