i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
