I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
