You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
