i think i have two assholes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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