Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
