that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
