She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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