I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
