i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize