Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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