oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
