A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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