so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
