Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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