Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
