i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
