I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
