PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
