i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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